Page 9 : Week 5 study break
Sunday, 25 August 2013 // 8/25/2013 05:47:00 pm
It has been so long since I last blogged. It is time to wipe away those dusts. Hee.
Phew.. I realized that my transition process isn't going smooth. And when I thought I was ready and prepared to face all these, I wasn't.
So many homework, assignments and presentations. It just go on and on and on... I can never see an end. Even for this study break, we actually have tons of things on hand that's not done yet. I have one research proposal due 2 weeks later; 2 writing portfolio due 2 weeks later as well; 1 essay due 4 weeks later; and etc etc etc..
All in all, I am still not use to the hectic lifestyle here. I am, absolutely, NOT READY.
What haunts me most is the pressure I gave to myself. I can't deny the fact that I am a perfectionist and I want to do things to its best. And I realized it is so hard to strive for it when I am here in Australia. So much to cope. The language...the culture... everything basically.
I thought I am okay with the homesickness. I thought I am okay with the loneliness. I thought I've made it through the hard times. But it seemed I have overestimated myself.
At times, I just broke down and can't stop crying. I try to appear as happy as possible in front of my friends because I do not want them to worry about me, especially my parents. I do not want to be a baby girl in front of them and put them into sleepless nights thinking about me. When I am alone, I feel scared. I feel helpless. I feel like running away from this place. I just want to go home. But.. I know I can't. I can't disappoint my parents my friends, I can't leave with regret. The only thing I could do is to keep all these emotions to myself, stand up and fight again.
This routine goes the same everyday. Everyday I wake up with passion, goes to class with hope, came back feeling hopeless and defeated, sleep with tears and sorrow and it goes round and round and round. It is a cycle. Until a point where I can't take it anymore, I just feel like bursting everything out to someone.
I am not sure how long can I hold on. I can only promise I will try my level best. I will try until the moment I can't take it anymore.
我很努力地撑 却一次一次被打败 一次次觉得自己没用 觉得自己失败
对自己怀疑 是否做错了决定 是否当初不应该说要来这里
信念开始摇摆 信心已经决堤 什么理想梦想 都仿佛离我远去
可不可以交出自己 全放弃?
我每一天都在努力,却痛苦地挣扎...
I FEEL LIKE GOING HOME.
I WANT TO BE HOME.
Page 9 : Week 5 study break
Sunday, 25 August 2013 // 8/25/2013 05:47:00 pm
It has been so long since I last blogged. It is time to wipe away those dusts. Hee.
Phew.. I realized that my transition process isn't going smooth. And when I thought I was ready and prepared to face all these, I wasn't.
So many homework, assignments and presentations. It just go on and on and on... I can never see an end. Even for this study break, we actually have tons of things on hand that's not done yet. I have one research proposal due 2 weeks later; 2 writing portfolio due 2 weeks later as well; 1 essay due 4 weeks later; and etc etc etc..
All in all, I am still not use to the hectic lifestyle here. I am, absolutely, NOT READY.
What haunts me most is the pressure I gave to myself. I can't deny the fact that I am a perfectionist and I want to do things to its best. And I realized it is so hard to strive for it when I am here in Australia. So much to cope. The language...the culture... everything basically.
I thought I am okay with the homesickness. I thought I am okay with the loneliness. I thought I've made it through the hard times. But it seemed I have overestimated myself.
At times, I just broke down and can't stop crying. I try to appear as happy as possible in front of my friends because I do not want them to worry about me, especially my parents. I do not want to be a baby girl in front of them and put them into sleepless nights thinking about me. When I am alone, I feel scared. I feel helpless. I feel like running away from this place. I just want to go home. But.. I know I can't. I can't disappoint my parents my friends, I can't leave with regret. The only thing I could do is to keep all these emotions to myself, stand up and fight again.
This routine goes the same everyday. Everyday I wake up with passion, goes to class with hope, came back feeling hopeless and defeated, sleep with tears and sorrow and it goes round and round and round. It is a cycle. Until a point where I can't take it anymore, I just feel like bursting everything out to someone.
I am not sure how long can I hold on. I can only promise I will try my level best. I will try until the moment I can't take it anymore.
我很努力地撑 却一次一次被打败 一次次觉得自己没用 觉得自己失败
对自己怀疑 是否做错了决定 是否当初不应该说要来这里
信念开始摇摆 信心已经决堤 什么理想梦想 都仿佛离我远去
可不可以交出自己 全放弃?
我每一天都在努力,却痛苦地挣扎...
I FEEL LIKE GOING HOME.
I WANT TO BE HOME.
grew up in a small town,
and when the rain would fall down. i'd just stare out my window.
We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. You cannot find peace by avoiding life. I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life. Last but not least, life's hard. It's even harder when you're stupid.
